so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
