nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
