She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
my liver is dry heaving
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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