Umm I'm too high to move.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
