im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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