i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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