there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
