You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
