He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I pour the whiskey from now on
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
