i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Randomize