WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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