I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
