last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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