I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
