my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
