Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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