You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
