I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
