Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
