thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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