would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
