You can't motorboat a personality
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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