did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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