And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
