Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
