Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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