so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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