3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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