So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
