So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
