He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
