Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he was CRYING into my vagina
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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