he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
why does every cop we meet know your name?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize