u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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