I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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