I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
