i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
