Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
