No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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