im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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