oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
