I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
