did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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