he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
