Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Boobs speak an international language.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
