Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
