At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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