It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
