I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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