Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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