dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
