I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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