I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
im six kinds of drunk right now
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
