I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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