We named our party play list daddy issues
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You need a sexual gate keeper
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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