i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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