i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
