Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
