Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
