im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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