i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
