last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
