even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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