Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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