Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
