i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
