I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
