He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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