so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
