the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
