Fuck appropriateness.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
